Being as I wish I could be the more functional portions of cat marnell (without the hard drugs and anorexia), here are the secrets to what makes me so fucking hot (this is partially sarcasm but all this is true…. Take it at face value):
1. Maximum showers 3x per week. The solution to greasy hair in-between days (for those whitest-of-white chicks like me who’s body-less hair doesn’t hold curl for over 30 minutes and gets greasy 6 hours after washing) is the practice I have deemed ‘chinchillin’ wherein you vigourously rub baby powder into your scalp with your head inverted. Its ok if u overdo it and end up looking like a ghost…. Just keep rubbing…
2. Shave body hair as little as possible. Yeah it leads to ingrown hairs and more than half the people who notice will judge you… But you don’t wanna be friends w those people anyway and the rest of the people will rejoice ur hairiness. When you do shave, lidocaine ointment literally erases razor burn and makes ur legs kinda numb for a little… Check it.
3. No make up. Well ok I wear powder foundation on the daily and cat eyeliner when I’m trying 2 get sum … That’s it tho.
4. Use a different shampoo every wash. I cycle between 3 (trader joes tea tree/peppermint, ogx tea tree peppermint, and head&shoulders) … Ogx teatree pep conditioner is the best smelling thing in the world but dat over-scented garnier shit is best 4 tangles (garnier oil /leave-ins too on occasion.
5. Tea tree essential oil. Everywhere on everything.
6. When not using tea tree essential oil as perfume I always soak myself and my clothes (hide the cigarette smoke!!! (OK, this is impossible but it blends well w smoke smell)) in PINK from the gap. It smells like a grapefruit flavored alcoholic drink. This also doubles as an attempt to hide that you smell like a morning-after brewery (on those types of unfortunate occasions)
7. I keep just about every brand of deoderant on hand but have gravitated to the simple secret stick. When trying to avoid white marks I find the devil magic instant dry is great and I’ve been complimented on my perfume before when I was wearing only that shit. God I can’t wait to see the brain damage I get from using these products.
8. Nails nails nails. Just always or as much as possible. FUCK GEL NAILS THOUGH. Seriously, why??? More than half the fun of nail polish is picking it off….
9. DYE THAT ‘STACHE!!!!! jolen. Burn baby burn.
10. Eyebrows on fleek. I don’t understand eyebrow pencil and will not respond to it. For girls that think their eyebrows are too thin I suggest u just shave them off / bleach them and join the post-hipster alien jawn trend. Its super off putting but dope af.
11. Why are girls still dressing differently from boys? I try to ask this question w at least one piece in every ensemble I don. Matching is stupid. I’m either bro’d up or very much more rarely, ho’d up.
12. How could I forget??????? DOCTOR BRONNERS.
13. Dat prep H really does work under ur eyes as well as on the asshole. I keep that shit handy af.
14. Winter is approaching which means dry skin which means lotion all the time. While I haven’t settled on a favorite all around body lotion, aquaphor for the hands, the bows, the knees, and the more sensitive areas is really where its at.
15. Sunscreen. Tanning is so fuckin stupid. Even if you’re not blindingly white like me and ‘don’t burn’ …. The sun is still some shit and with how we’re fuckin up the ozone… No ones safe anymore. There’s actually some really good smelling ones and ones that aren’t disgustingly greasy… (Neutrogena) … Do they still make that purple shit? Cuz I miss looking like I had hypothermia in 95 degree weather… Once February hits I’ll probably consider hitting the tanning salon for one session for literally 2 minutes (those crispy bitches take one look at me and are like…. You have to do less than the normal minimum). I’m only considering this as seasonal affective disorder and vitamin d deficiency r real and sometimes ur body has to take a small hit for ur mind 2 b at peace.
16. I tried my sisters green tea face wash (st Ives I think??) And its to die for. Occasional queen Helene mint jawn is mostly just for the selfies but those feel pretty good too.
17. Super top secret item I’ve only ever used a couple times in order to preserve it: this dead sea soap my roommate sara brought me back from her birthright trip. Straight up you feel holy using it. One time I took a sink bath with it at 92 Cleve (I smoked a lot of pot back then& the sink was the only thing even close to being able to clean enough to bathe in…. don’t ask….)
18. I don’t really abide by this as much as I should (if at all)but diet and exercise are really more important than any product or item of clothing you could ever buy when it comes to feeling your best in outward appearance.
Hahahahhaha so this is what happens when Im sober for two days straight…. My inner narcissist emerges and I give advice to an empty void aka my tumblr page. ANYWAY it felt good. Thanks for allowing me to indulge myself, tumblr.
In the off chance anyone read this … WHAT R UR FAVE BEAUTY TIPZ?????
PS HOW DO I TAG ON HERE ALSO HOW DO I GET THE FUCKING LINE BREAKS BACK FUCK I DONT HAVE SPACE TO DOWNLOAD THE APP HELPPPPPP
I think I figured it out #goodnight
Edits (Updates 4 summer 16!!!)
4. Idk how - but I think just cuz I cut it out my my winter routine - I forgot the hemp shampoo. Pro beauté hemp shampoo is the cleanest wash. Greasy hair shows up for me at least a whole day after any other shamp. The only problem is too much use leads to dry scalp :/
5. Trying to add coconut oil to my shit - afraid of too-greasy-scalp still tho - c-oil Is the perfect leave-in conditioner / detangler tho
7. I’ve taken to the suave baby powder stick lately, actually. My roommate bought a dove deodorant that smells like flowers or something which I’ve also been using on occasion cuz I don’t think she about it n e more @t r a s h p r I n c e s s (how do I search a handle while in draft post mode????)
8. Professional manicures are even more worth it in the summer. Bubbles bubbles bubbles Idek what they do at salons but they get tht bubble-less mani every time
9. Mustaches are gonna be vogue in the next 2 years. Stop dying
12. Bought the ripoff doc b’s at tj maxx (it’s like dr jones or something) and I have no qualms
15. So I now work for the parent company so I currently only use b boat & h trop. My only advice(based on publicly-available consumer reports results & personal experience) is to re-apply continuously. For any brand of sunscreen. I will say my new brands are superior wrt texture following application. Banana boat protect&hydrate 2-in-1 is legit superior to all other lotions. Spray-wise, how do u ever know that u fully covered??? I re-evoke the purple sunscreen validity argument.
16. LIvin by st Ives at this point
MAJOR KEY ALERT: do what you wanna do and never what you think other ppl want you to do. It’s that simple. It’s never that easy.
I’m gonna repost this cuz i CAN! And there’s a lot of updates - it’s been 6 years 😑
I’ll try to be brief but i have to say I’m really proud of the writing style i had b in the d
trying to get back to max showers 3 per week and i’m surprised i ever did this to the extent i think i was joking originally
3. No make up is the vibe 1000%. SuperGoop mineral shit is like bb cream slash sunscreen and that’s all i give a fuck abt anymore.
4. i’m a basic drug store or instagram shampoo bitch now. though i do still rotate shampoos every wash through 2 or 3 diff types. Ever Pure which i think is l'oreal, always rec paul mitch #2, andddd i got some shit called like jupiter or juniper off ig its dandruff shit w conditioner you put on your scalp its actually pretty good
5. tea tree oil on everything is a wild ass one. i was a true wook, i suppose.
6. chanel chance eau tendre >>>
7. each & every - rotate scents betwen rose & lavendar & geranium. aluminum salts are too bad for you - you smelling not as good by the end of the day is 10000000% worth your health. and i obviously knew that back then too which is fucked. the having-to-smell perfect-everywhere-all-the-time like, societal expectation is … FUCKED
8. no nails bc job forbids it and extreme anxiety (non-diagnosed)
9. Mustaches are gonna be vogue in the next 2 years. Stop dying ^^ I’m still putting $ on this becoming a trend. will stop *Shaving* when that happens
10. eyebrow shaming is bad. i know this now.
11. i like this
15. sunscreen but mineral. the blue lizard’s pretty good at 30 but sucks at 50. 50+ Neutrogena which i think i slammed before (monkey covering mouth emoji)
16. i don’t even want to know how many years i added to my face by using st ives face wash (monkey covering eyes emoji and/or facepalm emoji)
sobriety is a spectrum but i have to say 2022 had more non-alcohol-consumption days by far than any year since 2008. i am proud of that. please don’t be offended by my non-sobriety, particularly in the form of cannabis use. this type of thing is now for ur health and its called *harm reduction* :D
2022 really is an odd fuccking space but i realize from re-reading this old writing that i am so very much the same exact person as i used to be lmAo
Being as I wish I could be the more functional portions of cat marnell (without the hard drugs and anorexia), here are the secrets to what makes me so fucking hot (this is partially sarcasm but all this is true…. Take it at face value):
1. Maximum showers 3x per week. The solution to greasy hair in-between days (for those whitest-of-white chicks like me who’s body-less hair doesn’t hold curl for over 30 minutes and gets greasy 6 hours after washing) is the practice I have deemed ‘chinchillin’ wherein you vigourously rub baby powder into your scalp with your head inverted. Its ok if u overdo it and end up looking like a ghost…. Just keep rubbing…
2. Shave body hair as little as possible. Yeah it leads to ingrown hairs and more than half the people who notice will judge you… But you don’t wanna be friends w those people anyway and the rest of the people will rejoice ur hairiness. When you do shave, lidocaine ointment literally erases razor burn and makes ur legs kinda numb for a little… Check it.
3. No make up. Well ok I wear powder foundation on the daily and cat eyeliner when I’m trying 2 get sum … That’s it tho.
4. Use a different shampoo every wash. I cycle between 3 (trader joes tea tree/peppermint, ogx tea tree peppermint, and head&shoulders) … Ogx teatree pep conditioner is the best smelling thing in the world but dat over-scented garnier shit is best 4 tangles (garnier oil /leave-ins too on occasion.
5. Tea tree essential oil. Everywhere on everything.
6. When not using tea tree essential oil as perfume I always soak myself and my clothes (hide the cigarette smoke!!! (OK, this is impossible but it blends well w smoke smell)) in PINK from the gap. It smells like a grapefruit flavored alcoholic drink. This also doubles as an attempt to hide that you smell like a morning-after brewery (on those types of unfortunate occasions)
7. I keep just about every brand of deoderant on hand but have gravitated to the simple secret stick. When trying to avoid white marks I find the devil magic instant dry is great and I’ve been complimented on my perfume before when I was wearing only that shit. God I can’t wait to see the brain damage I get from using these products.
8. Nails nails nails. Just always or as much as possible. FUCK GEL NAILS THOUGH. Seriously, why??? More than half the fun of nail polish is picking it off….
9. DYE THAT ‘STACHE!!!!! jolen. Burn baby burn.
10. Eyebrows on fleek. I don’t understand eyebrow pencil and will not respond to it. For girls that think their eyebrows are too thin I suggest u just shave them off / bleach them and join the post-hipster alien jawn trend. Its super off putting but dope af.
11. Why are girls still dressing differently from boys? I try to ask this question w at least one piece in every ensemble I don. Matching is stupid. I’m either bro’d up or very much more rarely, ho’d up.
12. How could I forget??????? DOCTOR BRONNERS.
13. Dat prep H really does work under ur eyes as well as on the asshole. I keep that shit handy af.
14. Winter is approaching which means dry skin which means lotion all the time. While I haven’t settled on a favorite all around body lotion, aquaphor for the hands, the bows, the knees, and the more sensitive areas is really where its at.
15. Sunscreen. Tanning is so fuckin stupid. Even if you’re not blindingly white like me and 'don’t burn’ …. The sun is still some shit and with how we’re fuckin up the ozone… No ones safe anymore. There’s actually some really good smelling ones and ones that aren’t disgustingly greasy… (Neutrogena) … Do they still make that purple shit? Cuz I miss looking like I had hypothermia in 95 degree weather… Once February hits I’ll probably consider hitting the tanning salon for one session for literally 2 minutes (those crispy bitches take one look at me and are like…. You have to do less than the normal minimum). I’m only considering this as seasonal affective disorder and vitamin d deficiency r real and sometimes ur body has to take a small hit for ur mind 2 b at peace.
16. I tried my sisters green tea face wash (st Ives I think??) And its to die for. Occasional queen Helene mint jawn is mostly just for the selfies but those feel pretty good too.
17. Super top secret item I’ve only ever used a couple times in order to preserve it: this dead sea soap my roommate sara brought me back from her birthright trip. Straight up you feel holy using it. One time I took a sink bath with it at 92 Cleve (I smoked a lot of pot back then& the sink was the only thing even close to being able to clean enough to bathe in…. don’t ask….)
18. I don’t really abide by this as much as I should (if at all)but diet and exercise are really more important than any product or item of clothing you could ever buy when it comes to feeling your best in outward appearance.
Hahahahhaha so this is what happens when Im sober for two days straight…. My inner narcissist emerges and I give advice to an empty void aka my tumblr page. ANYWAY it felt good. Thanks for allowing me to indulge myself, tumblr.
In the off chance anyone read this … WHAT R UR FAVE BEAUTY TIPZ?????
PS HOW DO I TAG ON HERE ALSO HOW DO I GET THE FUCKING LINE BREAKS BACK FUCK I DONT HAVE SPACE TO DOWNLOAD THE APP HELPPPPPP
I think I figured it out #goodnight
Edits (Updates 4 summer 16!!!)
4. Idk how - but I think just cuz I cut it out my my winter routine - I forgot the hemp shampoo. Pro beauté hemp shampoo is the cleanest wash. Greasy hair shows up for me at least a whole day after any other shamp. The only problem is too much use leads to dry scalp :/
5. Trying to add coconut oil to my shit - afraid of too-greasy-scalp still tho - c-oil Is the perfect leave-in conditioner / detangler tho
7. I’ve taken to the suave baby powder stick lately, actually. My roommate bought a dove deodorant that smells like flowers or something which I’ve also been using on occasion cuz I don’t think she about it n e more @t r a s h p r I n c e s s (how do I search a handle while in draft post mode????)
8. Professional manicures are even more worth it in the summer. Bubbles bubbles bubbles Idek what they do at salons but they get tht bubble-less mani every time
9. Mustaches are gonna be vogue in the next 2 years. Stop dying
12. Bought the ripoff doc b’s at tj maxx (it’s like dr jones or something) and I have no qualms
15. So I now work for the parent company so I currently only use b boat & h trop. My only advice(based on publicly-available consumer reports results & personal experience) is to re-apply continuously. For any brand of sunscreen. I will say my new brands are superior wrt texture following application. Banana boat protect&hydrate 2-in-1 is legit superior to all other lotions. Spray-wise, how do u ever know that u fully covered??? I re-evoke the purple sunscreen validity argument.
16. LIvin by st Ives at this point
MAJOR KEY ALERT: do what you wanna do and never what you think other ppl want you to do. It’s that simple. It’s never that easy.
But ever since then I’ve had either a yeast or bacterial infection. Basically my vaginas been unable to balance the two.
My former healthcare professional(s) at Christiana care (nurse practitioners) steady telling me there’s no other medication options and that it’s not the IUD that’s causing this imbalance.
Just, as a scientist, I can’t buy into that. The only thing that’s changed (besides my diet being less carbohydrate-based … Which can only help resolve yeast probs…) is this fucking copper Jawn.
So I got a new healthcare provider (new insurance, job, town) and it’s a midwife. Idek what that means but mom says she must be a physicians assistant and that’s basically the same as nurse practitioner. Anyway this lady told me
1. The IUD could be influencing my ‘flora’
2. There are two additional medication/supplement options that my former healthcare providers were apparently unaware of
3. The odor I’m detecting could simply be a 'new’ odor that has precipitated from the IUD’s presence.
I’m just like ……. How many more practices do I have to go to to get a 'full story’ about this shit. The official websites are so desperately lacking, and I haven’t encountered one person in my 7 years hopping around the 'scene’ that seems to know what they’re talking about.
Like I’ve been told for years diaphragms aren’t prescribed anymore.
Don’t get me started on the epidemic of endorsement for excessive flooding of the hormonal system in the name of birth control.
Straight up-
men are prohibited to use supplemental male hormones in most official competitions (and I’m sure it’s somewhat illegal and/or at least heavily frowned upon in society)
Women are spoon-fed supplemental female hormones at the earliest possible age in the name of reproductive responsibility.
Neither of these things can be good for your body.
I don’t have any other appropriate - ish outlet so
I just get mad when the midwife or whoever try to tell u that’s just how ur vagina smells…. I’m like bitch no healthy vaj smells like a rotting trash can ………
Sarah hands me a cig from a spirits box with several brands in it. Instead of smoking it I eat it. To get it out of my mouth, I run over to the river, the bank is about 4 or 5 feet above the water, the water has a sheen on it. As I’m scraping tobacco out of my mouth a white wolf/hound rises from the river and starts to attack me. My mom comes out and just lets it, I realize though that while biting me, it’s not biting very hard. I still tell for help but mom doesn’t. At some point in the dream, I guess leading up to the cigarette eating, I’m riding around in a cooler filled with water (bathtub size) in a cart with my mom, sister, Sarah and maybe another relative. Later in the dream the dog (I wanted to call her Sylvia I think) and me and a friend I don’t remember who, walk around a pond and across a street to find the biscuits finishing up an outdoor festival set. Later I go to my moms house (not the same as her real house) with Sylvia and dry her off but only after we go inside. Gotta figure out what kind of dog she is!
